My grandmother is dead. Just like that. She had swine flu, and she passed before I could even get a plane ticket to see her. My grandmother died, and the next morning, I was nominated for Homecoming Queen, and I want to say that I would have called her to tell her, but I hadn't called in over a month. She had no clue who I was...and I was doing so well, and then I slipped...and me me me, it was all about me. I didn't want to call her, so I didn't. It shouldn't have mattered if she knew me at all; it still would have been her on the other side of the line. But I didn't, and now she's gone.

We're flying out, on the Hirsches' plane, after Logan's game on Friday: Mrs. Hirsch, Logan, Bee, and me. Dawn offered to come, but I didn't want to make things weird with Dad. She comes out of the closet and he accepts her; I have the audacity to be less than perfect and he pushes me away. Maybe I said no to Dawn not because of Dad, but because when I see her, all I can see is that she's his favorite daughter now. He doesn't need me anymore.

My grandma needed me; I was her one last piece of Alma in the world. And what did I do, I pushed her away. I cut off ties with my father, and I'm angry at Sharon over the letter, and I'm so jealous of Dawn, and I don't know my mother.

I'm my own family now. And I've never felt so small.