Alexander kissed me yesterday, and instead of pulling away, I kissed him back, thinking about how easy it would be if I were with him instead of Logan. To be with someone who doesn't know. But then...it's like an itch that lives under my skin: I'm in love. And it's hard to be with someone when the relationship gets this deep and this serious, and with someone as popular as Logan and someone as...broken as me. It's so hard, and yet...

I love him. So I won't let go.

And if I fight for us, why can't I fight for myself.

And that's why I'm writing this on my laptop, at the hospital at Yale. I needed Dr. Axtell to call Dad to tell him that I needed this, just a day or two to have doctors helping me all day long before...I mean, I kissed Alexander back because I wanted to...

I need help. I need now, because this time, I...next time, I might not...but this time I know that I do.

All because of that kiss. I don't know if Loes will forgive me, I don't know if Alexander...I don't know a thing, except...in a way, I'm so glad for that kiss, because it's stopped me before I slid right out of myself.